Chris Hedges Opinion Original

Chris Hedges: Monarchs Belong in the Dustbin of History

No institution helps obscure the crimes of empire and buttress class rule and white supremacy as effectively as the British monarchy.
“Off With Her Head.” [Illustration by Mr. Fish]

By Chris Hedges / Original to ScheerPost

The fawning adulation of Queen Elizabeth in the United States, which fought a revolution to get rid of the monarchy, and in Great Britain, is in direct proportion to the fear gripping a discredited, incompetent and corrupt global ruling elite.

The global oligarchs are not sure the next generation of royal sock puppets – mediocrities that include a pedophile prince and his brother, a cranky and eccentric king who accepted suitcases and bags stuffed with $3.2 million in cash from the former prime minister of Qatar Sheikh Hamad bin Jassim bin Jaber Al Thani, and who has millions stashed in offshore accounts – are up to the job. Let’s hope they are right.

“Having a monarchy next door is a little like having a neighbour who’s really into clowns and has daubed their house with clown murals, displays clown dolls in each window and has an insatiable desire to hear about and discuss clown-related news stories,” Patrick Freyne wrote last year in The Irish Times. “More specifically, for the Irish, it’s like having a neighbour who’s really into clowns and, also, your grandfather was murdered by a clown.”

Monarchy obscures the crimes of empire and wraps them in nostalgia. It exalts white supremacy and racial hierarchy. It justifies class rule. It buttresses an economic and social system that callously discards and often consigns to death those considered the lesser breeds, most of whom are people of color. The queen’s husband Prince Phillip, who died in 2021, was notorious for making racist and sexist remarks, politely explained away in the British press as “gaffes.” He described Beijing, for example, as “ghastly” during a 1986 visit and told British students: “If you stay here much longer you’ll all be slitty-eyed.

The cries of the millions of victims of empire; the thousands killedtortured, raped and imprisoned during the Mau Mau rebellion in Kenya; the 13 Irish civilians gunned down in “Bloody Sunday;” the more than 4,100 First Nations children who died or went missing in Canada’s residential schools, government-sponsored institutions established to “assimilate” indigenous children into Euro-Canadian culture, and the hundreds of thousands killed during the invasion and occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan are drowned out by cheers for royal processions and the sacral aura an obsequious press weaves around the aristocracy. The coverage of the queen’s death is so mind-numbingly vapid — the BBC sent out a news alert on Saturday when Prince Harry and Prince William, accompanied by their wives, surveyed the floral tributes to their grandmother displayed outside Windsor Castle — that the press might as well turn over the coverage to the mythmakers and publicists employed by the royal family.

The royals are oligarchs. They are guardians of their class. The world’s largest landowners include King Mohammed VI of Morocco with 176 million acres, the Holy Roman Catholic Church with 177 million acres, the heirs of King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia with 531 million acres and now, King Charles III with 6.6 billion acres of land. British monarchs are worth almost $28 billion. The British public will provide a $33 million subsidy to the Royal Family over the next two years, although the average household in the U.K. saw its income fall for the longest period since records began in 1955 and 227,000 households experience homelessness in Britain. 

Royals, to the ruling class, are worth the expense. They are effective tools of subjugation. British postal and rail workers canceled planned strikes over pay and working conditions after the queen’s death. The Trade Union Congress (TUC) postponed its congress. Labour Party members poured out heartfelt tributes. Even Extinction Rebellion, which should know better, indefinitely canceled its planned “Festival of Resistance.” The BBC’s Clive Myrie dismissed Britain’s energy crisis — caused by the war in Ukraine — that has thrown millions of people into severe financial distress as “insignificant” compared with concerns over the queen’s health. The climate emergency, pandemic, the deadly folly of the U.S. and NATO’s proxy war in Ukraine, soaring inflation, the rise of neo-fascist movements and deepening social inequality will be ignored as the press spews florid encomiums to class rule. There will be 10 days of official mourning.

In 1953, Her Majesty’s Government sent three warships, along with 700 troops, to its colony British Guiana, suspended the constitution and overthrew the democratically elected government of Cheddi Jagan. Her Majesty’s Government helped to build and long supported the apartheid government in South Africa. Her Majesty’s Government savagely crushed the Mau Mau independence movement in Kenya from 1952 to 1960, herding 1.5 million Kenyans into concentration camps where many were tortured. British soldiers castrated suspected rebels and sympathizers, often with pliers, and raped girls and women. Her Majesty’s Government inherited staggering wealth from the $ 45 trillion Great Britain looted from India, wealth accumulated by violently crushing a series of uprisings, including the First War of Independence in 1857. Her Majesty’s Government carried out a dirty war to break the Greek Cypriot War of Independence from 1955 to 1959 and later in Yemen from 1962 to 1969. Torture, extrajudicial assassinations, public hangings and mass executions by the British were routine. Following a protracted lawsuit, the British government agreed to pay nearly £20 million in damages to over 5,000 victims of British abuse during war in Kenya, and in 2019 another payout was made to survivors of torture from the conflict in Cyprus. The British state attempts to obstruct lawsuits stemming from its colonial history. Its settlements are a tiny fraction of the compensation paid to British slave owners in 1835, once it — at least formally — abolished slavery. 

During her 70-year reign, the queen never offered an apology or called for reparations.

The point of social hierarchy and aristocracy is to sustain a class system that makes the rest of us feel inferior. Those at the top of the social hierarchy hand out tokens for loyal service, including the Order of the British Empire (OBE). The monarchy is the bedrock of hereditary rule and inherited wealth. This caste system filters down from the Nazi-loving House of Windsor to the organs of state security and the military. It regiments society and keeps people, especially the poor and the working class, in their “proper” place.

The British ruling class clings to the mystique of royalty and fading cultural icons as James Bond, the Beatles and the BBC, along with television shows such as “Downton Abbey” — where in the 2019 film version the aristocrats and servants are convulsed in fevered anticipation when King George V and Queen Mary schedule a visit — to project a global presence. Winston Churchill’s bust remains on loan to the White House. These myth machines sustain Great Britain’s “special” relationship with the United States. Watch the satirical film “In the Loop” to get a sense of what this “special” relationship looks like on the inside. 

It was not until the 1960s that “coloured immigrants or foreigners” were permitted to work in clerical roles in the royal household, although they had been hired as domestic servants. The royal household and its heads are legally exempt from laws that prevent race and sex discrimination, what Jonathan Cook calls “an apartheid system benefitting the Royal Family alone.” Meghan Markle, who is of mixed race and who contemplated suicide during her time as a working royal, said that an unnamed royal expressed concern about the skin color of her unborn son.

I got a taste of this suffocating snobbery in 2014 when I participated in an Oxford Union debate asking whether Edward Snowden was a hero or a traitor. I went a day early to be prepped for the debate by Julian Assange, then seeking refuge in the Ecuadorian Embassy and currently in His Majesty’s Prison Belmarsh. At a lugubrious black-tie dinner preceding the event, I sat next to a former MP who asked me two questions I had never been asked before in succession. “When did your family come to America?” he said, followed by “What schools did you attend?” My ancestors, on both sides of my family, arrived from England in the 1630s. My graduate degree is from Harvard. If I had failed to meet his litmus test, he would have acted as if I did not exist. 

Those who took part in the debate – my side arguing that Snowden was a hero narrowly won – signed a leather-bound guest book. Taking the pen, I scrawled in large letters that filled an entire page: “Never Forget that your greatest political philosopher, Thomas Paine, never went to Oxford or Cambridge.”

Paine, the author of the most widely read political essays of the 18th century, Rights of ManThe Age of Reason and Common Sense, blasted the monarchy as a con. “A French bastard landing with an armed banditti and establishing himself as King of England against the consent of the natives, is in plain terms a very paltry rascally original…The plain truth is that the antiquity of the English monarchy will not bear looking into,” he wrote of William the Conqueror. He ridiculed hereditary rule. “Of more worth is one honest man to society, and in the sight of God, than all the crowned ruffians that ever lived.” He went on: “One of the strangest natural proofs of the folly of hereditary right in kings is that nature disproves it, otherwise she would not so frequently turn it into ridicule, by giving  mankind an ass for a lion.” He called the monarch “the royal brute of England.”

When the British ruling class tried to arrest Paine, he fled to France where he was one of two foreigners elected to serve as a delegate in the National Convention set up after the French Revolution. He denounced the calls to execute Louis XVI. “He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression,” Paine said. “For if he violates this duty, he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.” Unchecked legislatures, he warned, could be as despotic as unchecked monarchs. When he returned to America from France, he condemned slavery and the wealth and privilege accumulated by the new ruling class, including George Washington, who had become the richest man in the country. Even though Paine had done more than any single figure to rouse the country to overthrow the British monarchy, he was turned into a pariah, especially by the press, and forgotten. He had served his usefulness. Six mourners attended his funeral, two of whom were Black.

You can watch my talk with Cornel West and Richard Wolff on Thomas Paine here.

There is a pathetic yearning among many in the U.S. and Britain to be linked in some tangential way to royalty. White British friends often have stories about ancestors that tie them to some obscure aristocrat. Donald Trump, who fashioned his own heraldic coat of arms, was obsessed with obtaining a state visit with the queen. This desire to be part of the club, or validated by the club, is a potent force the ruling class has no intention of giving up, even if hapless King Charles III, who along with his family treated his first wife Diana with contempt, makes a mess of it.


NOTE TO SCHEERPOST READERS FROM CHRIS HEDGES: There is now no way left for me to continue to write a weekly column for ScheerPost and produce my weekly television show without your help. The walls are closing in, with startling rapidity, on independent journalism, with the elites, including the Democratic Party elites, clamoring for more and more censorship. Bob Scheer, who runs ScheerPost on a shoestring budget, and I will not waver in our commitment to independent and honest journalism, and we will never put ScheerPost behind a paywall, charge a subscription for it, sell your data or accept advertising. Please, if you can, sign up at chrishedges.substack.com so I can continue to post my now weekly Monday column on ScheerPost and produce my weekly television show, The Chris Hedges Report.

Chris Hedges
Chris Hedges

Chris Hedges is a Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist who was a foreign correspondent for fifteen years for The New York Times, where he served as the Middle East Bureau Chief and Balkan Bureau Chief for the paper. He previously worked overseas for The Dallas Morning NewsThe Christian Science Monitor, and NPR. He is the host of show The Chris Hedges Report.

47 comments

    1. It’s amazing just how we are led to worship those in power. It’s not just the shit coming out of Eton and Russell Group universities that prop this up, it’s also the sheer ignorance of those who never went there yet who are all too easily whipped up into a frenzy against the other.

    2. I normally have so much respect for Hedges’ commentaries, but on this front I disagree with him. Is he being held responsible for Christian dogmas preached by previous generations in his family?

      1. “We will not blame him for the crimes of his ancestors if he relinquishes the royal rights of his ancestors; but as long as he claims their rights, by virtue of descent, then, by virtue of descent, he must shoulder the responsibility for their crimes.” – James Connolly (1911)

        Still Holds

    3. It’s no different than what happens anywhere. Look at our sad counterparts here in America. Something in the human psyche about status and fitting-in…

  1. more hedges puerile narcissism self hatred—-ignorant of history sociology he always aligns w the ruling class— he opposes freedom civilization justice. Napoleon Bismark Marcus Aurelius, the Tzars led nations far more civilized than anything americans could hope to achieve

    1. Diving deep into Rights of Man AGAIN, in honor of the King of my heart and mind, to whom I bend my knee in respectful and enthusiastic homage, Chris Hedges.

  2. But Chris, they no longer try to hide the crimes of empire. They also no longer need to buttress class rule since the iron curtain of tyranny has descended on the land. Up is down and night is day and if you say any different your censored, smeared or imprisoned. The sheep don’t see because the sheep don’t want to see. I suspect is has always been thus.

    The English Monarchy is an irrelevance. It was of the old and we have begun the new. I found the Queens death to be both symbolic and prophetic.

    I listened to one of the world’s great thinkers, Daniel Schmactenberger describing the need for humanity to create a “third attracter.” Talking about humanities future he said, and I believe him he is right, that the two existing attracters are catastrophe (self destruction) and dystopia. On our current path these are the two possibilities humanity is faced with.

    Neither are acceptable.

    1. “The English Monarchy is an irrelevance.”
      I disagree. Look at the queues, the fetichism, the language, the tax-payed media, the Queen’s photos in the shops, the yougov polls, etc. etc. It still plays a class and an ideological role in conservative England.

      1. Chris Hedges, you missed the social cathartic benefit of the international mourning after QE2’s death. The royals bring billion$ into England and are a relief from the two-party antagonists of the US, UK, et.al. Where is the social harmony if all you get is us or them?
        The royals, especially one like QE2 with her dazzling smile, are the demi-gods of social harmony. There is nothing new in your grocery lists of oppression but a brief respite from the woes of the world by being part of a massive human united event is balm for the soul in this (as usual) desperate time.

  3. Is it not possible understand noblesse oblige as a concept perfected by only one human being, the Prince of Peace, and to look to him, to Jesus, the author of the faith to which we aspire? Such an attitude will, of course, entail challenges and difficulties, the likes of some of which were known to Jesus himself, this being, still, after some 2000 years, the World of the Cross, which the meek shall inherit. Most people need both religion and symbols. “Blessed are the peacemakers.”

  4. Witnessing this extravaganza of endless mourning, including updates of the current location of the royal hearse, it is easy to forget that the National Health Service, among many public agencies in Britain, is besieged by cutbacks at every turn (more neo-Liberal privatization efficiencies), while no expenses are spared to glorify this family which does, it seems, very little to further the cause of humanity.

  5. Where “the devil is in the hidden details” of monarchical elitism, there surely lies the reason Julian Assange is seen as a devil, and why the new King Charles will dare not set him free, to continue blaspheme, by bringing the truth about the clandestine nature of oligarchic, hegemonic global governance to one and all.
    Here’s the South African politician, Julius Malema, speaking irreverently, this past Saturday, from southern Africa itself, about the whites God and other sacred things:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8H7xRmeU6hg

    Quite apt for the occasion!

  6. It is clear in 22nd Century America that the Tories actually did win the “American Revolution”. It just took them longer than originally planned. Of course, accurate planning has never been a Brit strength. 🙂

    (note, for terminology, the ‘civil war’ in 18th Century America at this time was between the “Patriots” and the “Tories” who stayed loyal to the King and the monarchy).

    Near as I can tell, this victory occurred at some point in the 19th Century when American oligarchs were happy to accept Brit foreign investment so they could build railroads and other stuff. It is clear that the victory occurred sometime before World War I, where the Americans fought as just another member of the British Commonwealth. The only difference between America and the other former colonies was that the Americans had independent command of their troops, and did not have their soldiers massacred by incompetent English commanders like the other colonies.

    Now, I ask the my fellow subjects of the Royal Monarch here in the American Colonies to join me in toasting this nazi-loving family with a jolly old round of “God Save The King.”

    Soon, the monuments to American soldiers from the Revolution will go the same way as the monuments to the Soviet soldiers who liberated Europe from the Royal Family’s nazi pals.

  7. One of the enduring propositions in theology is that “Everyone Has A God-Hole to Fill”… that is, that a spiritual void exists in each person until one finds something to fill it. And, there are about as many ways that humans have ‘filled this hole’ as there have been human beings on the Earth.

    And one of the most prominent and enduring ways to fill this need to find some kind of god to fill one’s own personal spiritual void is in… ‘The Royals’!’

    Royals purport and pretend to be ‘better’ than everyone else… ‘special’… ‘semi-divine’ (if not more so). Of course, they are flawed humans who need to use the toilet and blow their noses and who are just as flawed and needy and searching for answers as everyone else. And many of these Elitists are way more effed up than people you’ll ever see prowling the aisles at ChinaMart.

    But we’re all supposed to play along that They are ‘Special’! And so, many in the World do just that.

    Very many people have a bad self-image for a number of reasons. They believe that since They are ‘flawed’ that there must be people ‘more worthy’ and ‘special’ than They are. Enter… ‘The Royals!’.

    And so, damaged and hurting people will submit Themselves to this nonsensical caste system of ‘Betters’ and ‘Not-Betters’, aka ‘The Deplorables’ or some other demeaning classification.

    And at the heart of it all is a need for some people to fill that God Hole. And The Royals are all too happy and willing and convenient to play into that pathology.

    ‘The Almighty’ (the Big One) has been wrongly characterized over the centuries as a Royal-ish King sitting on throne… again, coming right out of this human cartoonish worship of Royals and Royalty.

    People do not need Royals. What People of the World need is to heal their broken self-image and broken hearts and find a much more worthy object of veneration to fill that God Hole. Maybe even if They dare… The (truly) Divine Itself.

      1. “Whar is “The Truly Divine”??”

        The ‘Truly’ Divine… IS the existential Divine (Life Matrix, Ground of Being, Energy Field, Source, Consciousness… etc.

        As opposed to… the Phony Divine (the Royals and Monarchy and any other kind of (as it was described before in holy books…) False gods.

  8. Who else but Chris Hedges can make an irrelevant and droll topic such as the death of a so-called ‘queen’ into a such a thought provoking political economy history lesson that in my mind prompts more questions. Way to go, Mr. Hedges. Keep up the great work! Thank you.

  9. Nobody points out the obvious more eloquently than good old Chris; but when it comes to terse dark humor?.. you gotta give it up to that Irish Times guy…. I guarantee he’ll be more widely quoted in pubs than Hedges.

  10. A monarchy ain’t nuttin’ butta hereditary military dictatorship, no matter know much frippery & superstition you graft onto it.

  11. Biggest mistake the English made was not making Ray Davies the king.
    I told ’em but they just didn’t listen…..

    1. What about Dave Davies?
      “Livin’ on a thin line… O-o-o boy!
      Tell me now, what are we supposed to do?”

  12. In 1975, in Australia, Queen Betty II oversaw the ousting of a democratically elected Labor Government; carried out on the ground (ie Canberra) by her local representative the Governor-General (GG), who had a public reputation for being bit of a piss-pot.
    ‘The Dismissal’ – as it is commonly referred to – still reverberates in Australian politics; the documents are largely still held in secret, and so the complete truth remains sealed from public scrutiny.

    The ousting of a government in this manner certainly had not happened in Australia, a supposedly independent nation, before or since.
    Her Maj never made any comments herself, but she knew, and certainly did nothing to prevent what Australians now describe as a coup.

    Prince Charles, now King Charles 111 and King of Australia wrote to Sir John Kerr (the errant GG) after the dismissal, ‘what you did last year was right and the courageous thing to do’.
    Courageous alright, Kerr got booed and heckled everywhere he went, there were public protests and it was far from safe for the GG to go anywhere without security.

    As was usually the case Betty II’s hubby, Prince Phil, was far from lost for words, and certainly succinct: he described the ousted PM (Gough Whitlam) as a ‘socialist arsehole’.

    With the monarch’s last breath came renewed calls from some Australians (including Greens parliamentarians) that it was time to ditch royalty and become a republic.
    Their calls have been countered by the current crop of federal and state MPs – including those from Labor, the same party as Whitlam) that “now is not the time time to discuss these matters.”
    A short memory is obviously a prerequisite for being a politician.

    1. an addendum.
      The sycophancy of Australia’s political hierarchy is sickening.
      The orthodoxy stated is that Queen Elizabeth is to be remembered as a monarch who served the Commonwealth.
      She got remunerated for it quite handsomely, and that on top of her considerable personal
      worth of £365 million. [426.6 million US Dollars – 620.7 million Australian Dollars].

      1. Well stated Graeme.
        Gough Whitlam was the first and the last Australian PM with a heart for the people and the guts to stand up to US imperialism and British colonialism.

  13. I sometimes thought I was lone voice in the wildrness, but now I know I am not. Thank you for writing this piece and thanks to the person who emailed it to me.

  14. I remember years ago posting a comment on some American news website (maybe a Yahoo article) where it was about WIC or welfare or something. And of course many Americans jumped at the chance to denounce those on welfare as lazy, addicted, and so on. I responded by writing that they’re all hypocrites for shitting on poor people for being poor while simultaneously ignoring who might be the largest welfare recipient in the world – the British Crown. The responses to mine were typical American to put it nicely.

    Americans have always worshipped wealth and status, and those who don’t have it they’ve always loathed. They obsess over the speck of sawdust in someone else’s eye while ignoring the wooden plank in their own. The British, more specifically the English, are just as guilty.

  15. “Dustbin of History” I was reflecting on the Roman monarch Justinian 1. His bust exists in the house of representatives building in D.C. I suppose it is there because he codified Roman law. But shouldn’t we be careful about what or who we use as symbols for the running of our own country.

    Justinian 1 made homosexuality a crime, made the Christian religion the official religion and even insisted that Roman citizens become Christians lest they give up their citizenship and property etc.. The church and the state were bonded closely together. They excelled at accumulating wealth. But as the older Pelegian monks once said “If there were no rich class, then there would be no poor class”.

    When the people in Samaria rebelled against compulsory Christianity, Justinian had the Roman military kill 30,000 and capture and sell about the same number of people into slavery to help foot the bill for the military campaign. Historians have also documented that he conducted public executions by drowning. He also wanted to make Rome great again by regaining territory previously lost to the Vandals and other so called ‘hostile’ nations. Is this someone worthy of being a symbol for the American legislative process?

    I saw that several protesters, in the seemingly unending queens funeral procession ,
    were arrested for criticizing Andrew and for carrying signs that read “Not my king”. I wonder who is more to blame. The public for accepting this kind of repression or the monarchy for acting like the “we say so” corporation.

    Old symbols rekindle old thinking. Behavior forced upon the people by the hierarchy will not help the populous survive what is to come. The royal pomp and circumstance will not feed the hungry or stop global warming. It’s high time for the monarchy to retire.

  16. An interesting, if somewhat vitriolic, summing up of the place of royalty in society.
    Don’t forget that although the monarch of the UK is our head of state; as constitutional monarchs they have extremely limited power and all too human failings. They cannot speak out against parliamentry decisions or actions – and the last one who did had his head chopped off by parliament in the mid seventeenth century. In fact not long after your family moved to America. We did move to ban slavery, however imperfectly.
    How have ‘free’ Americans treated other peoples around the world? Vietnam particularly springs to mind. Actually I admire the help America gives to poorer nations. Your Republicans, often immensely wealthy and owning huge estates, make our royalty seem like pussycats ! We are saying farewell to a loved old lady.

    1. I appreciate your comment….The present Royal family has barely done harm to the world as compared to the evil “kings” of the US empire.

  17. An interesting, if somewhat vitriolic, summing up of the place of royalty in society. Don’t forget that although the monarch of the UK is our head of state; as constitutional monarchs they have extremely limited power and all too human failings. They cannot speak out against parliamentry decisions or actions – and the last one who did had his head chopped off by parliament in the mid seventeenth century. In fact not long after your family moved to America. We did move to ban slavery, however imperfectly. How have ‘free’ Americans treated other peoples around the world? Vietnam particularly springs to mind. Actually I admire the help America gives to poorer nations. Your Republicans, often immensely wealthy and owning huge estates, make our royalty seem like pussycats ! We are saying farewell to a loved old lady.

  18. The monarch is just one domination strategy among them all, including democracy, all built upon the foundation of authoritarianism that started with the infant’s caregiver devolving into codependency with the child , denying the child its natural development toward independence. So the child grows into an adult, still codependent. The authority expands to infantilize the whole family, then the tribe (tribal chief), then the village (village chief), then the city (mayor), the state (prime minister), the corporatiion (CEO), the empire (emperor), the realm (king), etc, ad nauseam. Oh and democracy fixes this – hilarious! The real strategy is amarchism. No rulers. Universal respect for intrinsic worth and free will of all.

  19. I’m half Irish so will never slaver over the English Monarchy and also I am protected from this ridiculous worship by only worshiping the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. The rest is idolatry. Thank you Chris for your thorough dissection of the queen’s reign.

    1. Nobody knows what the “father, the son, the holy spirit” mean except you….It is pure superstition….At least we can hear and see the members of the monarchy whether we like them or not.

    2. So that Jansenist freak show Ireland clamped around its thought for 150 years was part of the solution and not another terrible burden for Ireland?
      Thanks for the clar.

  20. liberal democracy–rule by peasant sheep that belongs in the dustbin—imbeciles cannot govern themselves…per US Dpet of Ed 54 % US adults cannot read above the 6th grade level—69% US university grads not English proficient—Asians 54% improving, blacks 33% improving; whites/Latinos less and declining
    “those that do not know other languages do not know their own”. Goethe

  21. A neighbor youngster was discussing all the cortege pageantry on my front porch with me.
    She asked if King Charles III’s nickname was c3pio. Let’s look it up I suggested.
    And sure enough this definition headed the que:
    C-3PO (See-Threepio) was a 3PO-series protocol droid designed to interact with organics, programmed primarily for etiquette and protocol.
    Precarious people clamor for order, no matter how illegitimate.
    Yep, that’s his name, and I’ll never call him anything else.

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