Larry Bensky, a long-time radio and print journalist. has been writing his “Journal of the Plague Year” since mid-March for the Anderson Valley Advertiser and Scheerpost. He welcomes your comments and suggestions: LBensky@igc.org
By Larry Bensky / Berkeley, July 6
From: The White House (WH)Department of State (DOS)
Department of Homeland Security (DHS)
Department of Justice – FBI (DOJ – FBI)
In order to assure free and fair elections this November, we are providing you with information to help you participate in our most important civic duty, voting.
First, let me assure you that your government is doing all we can to make sure that voting is facilitated and reliable. In this connection, please feel free to consult our umbrella web site, GOTRUMP.gov which contains links to further resources.God Bless America!
Donald J. Trump
1. Election Day is Tuesday, November 3, 2020 in all states and territories. If you want to be sure you live in an official jurisdiction, please go to TRUMPCOUNTRY.gov for an up-to-date list. If you require telephone assistance, please call 1-800-GODONALD during normal business hours.
2. Polling places will be established in each state and territory. In order to be certain that all citizens have access to voting, there will be one polling station for each state, and times (to be determined) of opening and closing will be uniform everywhere. For a complete list of polling places see DON’SHOURS.gov.
3. Please bring with you two official ID documents with color ID photos, issued or renewed within 30 days of the election. Duplicate copies are not accepted. For samples of acceptable documents see MAGA.AID.gov. Your official picture voter registration card is also required. You should also bring with you your “Virus-free Verification” document, issued to those who have been certified as post-virus or not at risk. (See WE.WON!.gov)
4. Voting by mail may be done under the following conditions:
- A. Ballots must be filled out by the voter, without outside assistance.
- B. A notarized statement, with fingerprints from all ten fingers should be included with your ballot.
- C. The ballot envelope should have sufficient postage. For a list of rates see DON’S.VOTES.gov.
5. All mail-in ballot envelopes must be turned in by voters themselves at TRUMP.SENDS.gov sites (formerly USPS, UPS, FEDEX) during normal business hours.
6. Results will be available on Facebook (ZUCK.DON.com), FOX-TV, NY Post, Boston Herald, Chicago Sun Times (RUPERT.DON.com), Las Vegas Journal (SHELDON.DON.COM) and on radio (RUSH.DON.com) There may be delays if issues arise which require a Supreme Court decision. Justices have agreed to be in their chambers to issue immediate opinions as needed.
7. In order to facilitate voting, those eligible will be provided one hour on election day to cast ballots. Employers may arrange this hour so as to not disrupt business. Voters must request this accommodation on the official form and submit it 30 days in advance (DON’S.VOTERS.gov.) Note that childcare is not available at polling places. Also, due to budget constraints, the hour will not be compensated.
8. People with disabilities who require accommodations at polling places should request these 30 days in advance (DON’S.CRIPS.gov). If caregivers are involved they will need the same identification material as voters (see #3 above.)
9. Gatherings with signs, banners, leaflets, T-shirts, or hats bearing election-related material will not be allowed within 1,000 yards of polling places or ballot mailing facilities. Violators will be taken into custody for processing by police, sheriffs, National Guard or contract security officers. Those detained may be released with citations within 48 hours, or as soon as processing is complete. Further information at TRUMP.GULAG.gov.
10. People waiting to vote may bring reading material. It must be in English, and of a noncontroversial nature, so as to not cause disturbances. The Bible (New Testament) is suggested. All books will be prescreened by security personnel using lists established by distinguished scholars at Liberty University, Hillsdale College, Bob Jones University, Biola University, Texas Christian University and Pepperdine Law School (DON.READS.edu).
11. Although use of phones for texting or talking while in line is discouraged, except for emergency communication, phones may be used to follow special events scheduled on election day. These include official MLB, NFL, NBA games. For a complete list see: DON’S.JOCKs.com. Usual charges will appear on your phone or internet bill.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: All of these measures must have significant costs. How are they going to be paid for?
A: A consortium of civic-minded corporations have agreed to share the costs, in exchange for tax arrangements concerning their untaxed corporate profits. These include Facebook, Amazon, Oracle, Twitter, Tesla and Microsoft.
Q: A police officer has told me that all days off have been cancelled for election day so that additional security can be provided. What can we expect to encounter?
A: Several “rings” of access will be established near polling places and mail ballot drop sites. Voters are expected to provide necessary identification at these “rings.”
Q: We are being required to wear masks everywhere now. If that requirement continues, does it apply on election day?
A. Masks may be worn outside the voting or ballot depository sites. Inside, they may NOT be worn while ID is being checked, because of possible interference matching faces with ID documents. (See: DON.IN.YOUR.FACE.gov.)
Q: I am a senior citizen transgender (woman-identified) person who fears discrimination. Am I likely to encounter problems when trying to vote?
A: In principle, no. But we have established a panel of medical experts from distinguished institutions (included are the University of Arkansas, Franciscan University, and Eastern Virginia Medical School) who will be available via Medx, Zoom and Skype on election day to help inspect gender elements. X-ray images may be used and transmitted among government agencies (see DON’S.PERVS.gov). These will be maximally encoded to avoid theft and embarrassing internet use.
Q: How secure is the information we provide in order to vote and indeed how confidential is our vote? I’ve read that there are governments and individuals who are engaged in cyber-sabotage and are likely to target our system on November 3.
A: These are two separate issues. No details are available to the general public on the voter information issue, due to national security issues. The Department of Homeland Security and 15 other US government agencies have been working tirelessly on the second issue. We’ve had extensive cooperation from Israel’s Mossad, England’s MI5, and the governments of Saudi Arabia, Syria, Egypt, Hungary, Poland and the Philippines. On election day we will be on full alert. We have distributed a fullscreen picture of the late terrorist czar Osama bin-Laden with a large letter caption, “Are YOU Next????” We hope the message is taken seriously!May The Best Man Be Re-Elected!
Donald J. Trump
P.S. Finally, although voting should be a time for communal rather than commercial activity, I have decided that a one-time “reward” stimulus bonus will be paid to all eligible voters who do their civic duty on election day. A simple form is available (DON’S.BRIBE.gov.) which may be dropped off at your polling place or mail location (see #5 above). Be sure to have the form validated. The amount of your reward-bonus will be calculated by the Internal Revenue Service when it has finished processing last year’s tax returns. The amount you receive will be determined by the total money available divided by the number of claimants. In addition, there will be “premium” divided among winners of a competition for “Best Essay” on the topic, “Why I’m Proud to Be A White American!” Winners will be chosen by the same distinguished scholars from the institutions cited in #10 above.
[To read previous entry of the “Journal of the Plague Year” click here]
Copyright 2020 Larry Bensky