Thank You for Dying for My Sins: For Nhất Chi Mai and Aaron Bushnell

By Erik Wennermark  / Original to ScheerPost

“There is nothing more painful than burning oneself. To say something while experiencing this kind of pain is to say it with utmost courage, frankness, determination, and sincerity.”

— Thích Nhất Hạnh in 1965 letter to Martin Luther King

I pray I will be still and calm,
I will kneel over, clasp my hands,
sing the Buddha’s name.

— Nhất Chi Mai

—

I haven’t watched. I
guess I won’t, don’t need
to see you
burned to feel
the shame. I know
what I am.
I watched just now

without the sound. A step too
far – half measures –
not enough –
nothing – the way your
body jerked, contorted
flame. Two words reverberated
twitched in waves
licked in silence,
I couldn’t watch anymore

or listen ever. I scrolled
instead to see you directly
-trivialized – lauded – erased:
in swamp rot surrounds
incomprehensible bravery and pain
in complicity steaming
cuts like grains of rice
cuts that litter our bodies shrapnel
stigmata breathes a history of
sins targeted in crosshairs over
cowardly backs kerosine
pavement don’t
move don’t move don’t

—

please! she wrote I offer
pleas myself as a torch
on a cardboard string
please! she cried may we
awaken please! for Viet-Nam
lanyard of charcoal words
a burning people to end
genocide
end genocide
end

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